How Do I Resolve Conflicts With Others?
A husband yells at his wife, a mother screams at her child, a boss embarrasses an employee for a late sales report, a bully picks on someone he considers weak and gangs battle over turf. Whatever the scenario, conflicts are inevitable when an individual or group is not getting their way. Yet Christians are called to peace because we have peace with God (Romans 5:1). Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called sons of God“(Matthew 5:9)
Our everyday lives are often marred by the conflicts we experience at work, at home and even deep in our own souls. We have learned that conflicts arise from the ingrained root of sin; the guilt, bitterness and fear we experience in our relationship with God, others and ourselves. Therefore it is important to go beyond the symptoms of conflicts and get down to their root cause: the alienation that we have from God. Once we are reconciled to God (Romans 5:10), we can begin the process of healing the discords we have with others. Here are some guidelines:
Do your part. We have to be peaceful people. Paul commands us, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18) Make sure you are not the main source of the problem. Conflicts may be inevitable, but that does not mean you should encourage them by being combative and hard to get along with.
Humble yourself before the Lord. Like the Psalmist, we should confess our anger to God and give the specific dispute into His hands (Psalm 4:4-5). Among believers, we take the initiative to resolve the situation. If the conflict is due to our own stubbornness, we have to repent and ask forgiveness. This applies even if another has sinned against you. Jesus holds us responsible to go to the offending party to seek reconciliation (Matthew 18:15-17). If the conflict is based on a misunderstanding, take the step of a humble servant and go to your brother or sister to make it right.
Forgive your enemy. Even if others hold a grudge, we must not. In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus taught us that our forgiveness from God implies that we will forgive those who wrong us (Matthew 6:14). Paul admonishes us to “be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
When we forgive, we give up the right to retaliate. Retaliation can be physical or verbal. Either way, we go against God’s will when we embrace the power play of self-assertiveness. We fan the fires of continued conflict when we refuse to extend forgiveness to those that offend us. Extinguish these fires with God’s help, leaving room for Him to enact justice (Romans 12:19) in His own way and in His own time.
